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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.