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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.