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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Iām better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.