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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.