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Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.