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You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.