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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!