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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!