Daily Silly Status

I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.

Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava

I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.

If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?

I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.

I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you

Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.

My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.

I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.

Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.

It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.

After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.

My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"