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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.