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For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie