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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.