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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
My life is loosely based on a true story.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.