Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New day, same old bullsh!t
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.