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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
This status is mine....I licked it.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.