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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.