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I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.