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In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.