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There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you