Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!