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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.