Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.