Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.