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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.