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"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.