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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
My mom says I`m special.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?