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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.