Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks