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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
I miss the life I planned in my head.
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
Gun Control: Use both hands
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.