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the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.