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Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack