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I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
and alcohol are now friends.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"