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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.