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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.