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Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)