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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.