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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?