Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
AWESOME!
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.