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Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.