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Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?