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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.