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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.