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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?