Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times