Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.