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Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!