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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Where is the button to restart summer?
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume