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I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.