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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.