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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.