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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.