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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
I want to sleep tighter