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I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”