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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?