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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!