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I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Marriage is for quitters
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
If people could read my mind, Iād get punched in the face a lot.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.