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The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.