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Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?