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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
It’s not pretty being easy.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle β€œ65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.